So many things I suppose I can go off on...
But, I'll try to be brief about everything and just voice my thoughts...please excuse if I go off on a tangent. lol
As you know I'm an avid basketball fan, especially my beloved Lakers. It's playoff time. I'm on pins and needles. I swear to you, I get stomach aches, headaches and anxiety during these games! And, because it's the playoffs, one cannot just watch the Lakers, one has to watch them all. For you see, we can't have any surprises! I love my Lakers. I'm convinced that they do certain things on purpose, like, for instance, playing like crap for days on end. There is no way that a team that has won as many championships as they have can have all major players NOT playing well at the same time. Looking back at the way Phil Jackson used to coach the Bulls, it is the same MO. Do I think we're going to win the title this year? In a word, NO. Do I think we can? Yes. But, I've always been a pessimist, so don't listen to me.
On a related note, the Kobe debacle right now is just plain ridiculous. The man got mad, the man said something he shouldn't have, but come on people, that doesn't mean that he's a homophobe! I can only use myself as an example, but I can honestly say there have been numerous times that something has slipped out of my mouth and I was like, oh crap, it's too late for me to take that back! He apologized. Some people won't accept it. Really folks? Do you not have better things to worry about than whether or not Kobe Bryant is making amends to the Lesbian and Gay communities? Are your lives that boring that you need to hang on every word said about and from the man? If that is all you have, I feel sorry for you!
It's the same in my own life. As you all know, I don't keep many secrets, unless, of course, I'm asked to...but, when it comes to my own life, I tell it like it is. To that end, you all know that I've had a very interesting life in the past years...about five to be exact. Husband lost his job, his business, and his self worth. We lost our home, a car, declared bankruptcy, separated and got back together. Through it all I've done things, many things, I'm not proud of. But, I am human. I make mistakes. I still like to consider myself the good girl. Not the good girl gone wrong, but the good girl that went astray for a while. I've shared it with you. Then I noticed that some people were hanging on my life daily! My life became their soap opera. So, to that end, as I'm sure you've noticed, I've kept my mouth shut for the past year. Not because I don't want to be open and honest, but because my life will no longer be everyone's soap opera. I will say that at times, like everyone else, my life is difficult. Sometimes just getting up every day is a struggle. My husband is again without a job. I have a part-time job. My son graduates from High School next year and we worry about how he'll go to college. My daughter is a great dancer and I worry how we'll continue allowing her to perform. I worry about lots of things, but, I'm happy.
In the past year and a half, I've figured out a lot about Jacquie. What I want, what I don't want and what I need. What works for me, what doesn't work for me. Who my friends are and who my friends are not. I've let things go that are not important. I've changed my views and even changed aspects of my personality. I've adapted to my situation and I'll prevail. Throughout it all I've been the strong individual I've always been. I've made mistakes, yes...but I'm trying to learn to forgive myself. It's a struggle. Eventually I'll prevail and life will go on. I'll go on. And I'll be a better person for it!
Work has been a wonderful thing for me. I love my job. I love the guys I work for. They are fair and honest and, in turn, I'm fair and honest with them. They know what's going on in my life and they now know that a part-time job isn't enough for me. If they cannot offer me a few more hours a week, then I'll have to possibly look elsewhere. Not because I want to, but because I have to do what's best for my family. As much as I love my job, I must have more hours to survive. Hopefully it works out well for everyone.
I've certainly been thinking about going back to school. Trying to find something that I won't be too old to do at age 50 when I'd be done and on my way to a 'new' career. Problem is, it's difficult thinking about what I want to do that won't be obsolete in time. Lots of thinking here.
Throughout my entire five years of learning, experience, etc. I've lost my way. I've turned from what I know to be the right path and I've turned away from my super power! I'm making my way back and I'm stronger because of it. Again, I'm human! God knows that. God forgives me. Grace is a beautiful thing!
I thank my friends for helping me to get through this tough time. As I said, I've learned who my friends are and who they are not. I continue to weed the bad out of my life and seek the good and the beautiful. My friends have been my rocks. My friends are helping me to realize, along with my husband, that FAMILY is so important and it doesn't matter if we agree with our families or not, they are family and they will be there. We can't pick our family so we either go with it, or disown it. I've chosen to make amends and go with it. Life is too damn short! I know. I almost died once. I forgot what it was like. Now I remember. Embrace life and all it has to offer.
Won't you embrace life with me?
But, I'll try to be brief about everything and just voice my thoughts...please excuse if I go off on a tangent. lol
As you know I'm an avid basketball fan, especially my beloved Lakers. It's playoff time. I'm on pins and needles. I swear to you, I get stomach aches, headaches and anxiety during these games! And, because it's the playoffs, one cannot just watch the Lakers, one has to watch them all. For you see, we can't have any surprises! I love my Lakers. I'm convinced that they do certain things on purpose, like, for instance, playing like crap for days on end. There is no way that a team that has won as many championships as they have can have all major players NOT playing well at the same time. Looking back at the way Phil Jackson used to coach the Bulls, it is the same MO. Do I think we're going to win the title this year? In a word, NO. Do I think we can? Yes. But, I've always been a pessimist, so don't listen to me.
On a related note, the Kobe debacle right now is just plain ridiculous. The man got mad, the man said something he shouldn't have, but come on people, that doesn't mean that he's a homophobe! I can only use myself as an example, but I can honestly say there have been numerous times that something has slipped out of my mouth and I was like, oh crap, it's too late for me to take that back! He apologized. Some people won't accept it. Really folks? Do you not have better things to worry about than whether or not Kobe Bryant is making amends to the Lesbian and Gay communities? Are your lives that boring that you need to hang on every word said about and from the man? If that is all you have, I feel sorry for you!
It's the same in my own life. As you all know, I don't keep many secrets, unless, of course, I'm asked to...but, when it comes to my own life, I tell it like it is. To that end, you all know that I've had a very interesting life in the past years...about five to be exact. Husband lost his job, his business, and his self worth. We lost our home, a car, declared bankruptcy, separated and got back together. Through it all I've done things, many things, I'm not proud of. But, I am human. I make mistakes. I still like to consider myself the good girl. Not the good girl gone wrong, but the good girl that went astray for a while. I've shared it with you. Then I noticed that some people were hanging on my life daily! My life became their soap opera. So, to that end, as I'm sure you've noticed, I've kept my mouth shut for the past year. Not because I don't want to be open and honest, but because my life will no longer be everyone's soap opera. I will say that at times, like everyone else, my life is difficult. Sometimes just getting up every day is a struggle. My husband is again without a job. I have a part-time job. My son graduates from High School next year and we worry about how he'll go to college. My daughter is a great dancer and I worry how we'll continue allowing her to perform. I worry about lots of things, but, I'm happy.
In the past year and a half, I've figured out a lot about Jacquie. What I want, what I don't want and what I need. What works for me, what doesn't work for me. Who my friends are and who my friends are not. I've let things go that are not important. I've changed my views and even changed aspects of my personality. I've adapted to my situation and I'll prevail. Throughout it all I've been the strong individual I've always been. I've made mistakes, yes...but I'm trying to learn to forgive myself. It's a struggle. Eventually I'll prevail and life will go on. I'll go on. And I'll be a better person for it!
Work has been a wonderful thing for me. I love my job. I love the guys I work for. They are fair and honest and, in turn, I'm fair and honest with them. They know what's going on in my life and they now know that a part-time job isn't enough for me. If they cannot offer me a few more hours a week, then I'll have to possibly look elsewhere. Not because I want to, but because I have to do what's best for my family. As much as I love my job, I must have more hours to survive. Hopefully it works out well for everyone.
I've certainly been thinking about going back to school. Trying to find something that I won't be too old to do at age 50 when I'd be done and on my way to a 'new' career. Problem is, it's difficult thinking about what I want to do that won't be obsolete in time. Lots of thinking here.
Throughout my entire five years of learning, experience, etc. I've lost my way. I've turned from what I know to be the right path and I've turned away from my super power! I'm making my way back and I'm stronger because of it. Again, I'm human! God knows that. God forgives me. Grace is a beautiful thing!
I thank my friends for helping me to get through this tough time. As I said, I've learned who my friends are and who they are not. I continue to weed the bad out of my life and seek the good and the beautiful. My friends have been my rocks. My friends are helping me to realize, along with my husband, that FAMILY is so important and it doesn't matter if we agree with our families or not, they are family and they will be there. We can't pick our family so we either go with it, or disown it. I've chosen to make amends and go with it. Life is too damn short! I know. I almost died once. I forgot what it was like. Now I remember. Embrace life and all it has to offer.
Won't you embrace life with me?
1 original observations!:
Sounds like you have lots of exciting stuff going on!
Nikki
www.madebynikki.blogspot.com --> now offering the rotating photo design!
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